Category: the Rant Board
okay guys, so i want to move out aand live alone and be happy, however, everytime i tell my parents, they shout and be extremely unsupportive.
i mean, i'm 22, i have rights, i am in titled to use them.
what advice can you give me to maybe well, let go if you like and move forward like i want.
i'm sick of my parents ways, but at this time there's nothing that i can do
Well did you find a place to live? I think they are better about helping you pay for apartments/flats over there in the UK than in the US but I might be rong about that. Are you able to pay for bills and can you do things for yourself like cooking and laundry. I mean I'm not saying you can't, but did your parents actually give you reasons why you can't live on your own or are they just being over protective. I am lucky not to have parents like that. Also be very careful if you do decide to live with a roommate...
If you have a plan and have everything you need to move out, then I would go for it. Like you said, you are 22 and have every right to do as you please whether your parents like it or not. If moving out means you will be getting your freedom and independence, then do it. Your parents will get over it or not... but either way, you will be doing what is best for yourself.
Well, can you move out as some sort of a career plan, for university or for a job? Do you have money to pay rent and basic living expenses too? Does the UK hve any sort of cheaper apartments for rent by the blind, the Danes do this quite a bit, you can rent a cheaper apartment in one of their buildings short term, something like that might be a good start.
Have a plan, not just tell them you want to move out, figure out the money, what you're going to do and why.
I echo Wildebrew. Your parents may not just be over protective. If you don't have a job or any income with which to pay bills, and if you have no independent living skills, then it makes sense that they don't want you to live alone. However, if they think you aren't able to live alone, then perhaps they should either teach you some cooking and laundry and other basic independent living skills or see that you get such training from a rehab teacher. I don't know you so don't know if you have sufficient independent living skills, I'm just saying these are things to consider.
speaking as both the parent of a blind daughter as well as being a blind adult who moved out, I echo all that has been said. Good advice all.
This has never been an issue in our home. Occasionally I purchase stuff for my daughter who still lives with us to put in her dream chest. This is small kitchen gadgets or whatever.
Our son moved in with a family friend to attend the last year and a half of high school. this was in an area where the pace was slower and the values were mor akin to ours.
With cell phones, I talk to my son and his wife much more then when michael lived with us. Since there is no pressure to define space, his calling is a pleasure not a duty for both of us.
No one can argue with a plan. It may not be liked, but if you present your reasons and strategies calmly and logically, then there is nothing that can be said.
when I moved out, I had my mom and dad get involved in the process. Although they were worried, I asked them "what do you think about...?" I invited them to go shopping with me for furniture and such, and chose to let them have a hand in assisting me to pick my place. When they saw that I had reasonable taste in my purchases and wasn't going to live beyond my means things went a lot more smoothly.
Remember that when you move out, do your best to not burn your bridges. As unlikely as it seems now, there may be a time you need to come home. You don't want to be on the street because you were unkind to your parents.
Finally fear is manifested in many ways. Your parents may honestly be concerned about you and getting angry is the only way they know to show this. They also may be hurt because they see your leaving not as a step toward independence but as an abandonment or that you don't love them any more. Assuring them subtly and repeatedly that you love them but you need to have space should reassure and reaffirm that you care.
When both my kids were born, as the doctor cut the cord, he said "this is the first step on the long path toward letting go." When I've been confronted with stuff like moving on, I remember this. It's sad, but inevitable. Once you establish your own identity you will be much more able to appreciate the one your parents have and visa versa.
It's definitely important to have skills for living, a plan & money. Without those things, you'll be lost.
Great advice all!
Michelle
I agree with all the previous posters here, but espicially with turricaine, I myself have been out on my own for nearly 15 years, and have lived completely without family support ( living in a different city from my Mum) for nearly 3 years, I now live in the biggest city in Canada.
Its very hard yes, I wont kid you on that, I sometimes feel so alone here, but I'll be blunt and to the point with you, I've been enjoying it immensely, I live in an apartment in a huge building, I dont know more than 1 person in my building and she herself is totally blind and has been on her own for 20 years herself, I love the feeling of coming and going as I like, cooking what I want, without my mother standing there getting nervous and trying to take over for me all the time!
I also want to tell you that in Ontario Canada at least there is the O.D.S.P (ontario disability support program, basicially this is a pension and assistance scheme from the provincial goverment, it is ok, but has its serious flaws. now I dont know much about where you are, but is there a pension you can get on to help you get a start-up allowance to move out and at least get a bit of money to help you in the beginning?
I live in a rent subsidized apartment, it is a public housing project, butr it is what I can afford on disability. Make sure to cheack if there is any rent subsidized apartments where you want to go, and I dont recommend sharing a apartment, I tried that one the first 8 months on my own and it didnt go well at all, so I defintely support the independent living lifestyle.
You also need to make sure you dont forget that you get contents insurance for your apartment if possible if you have a lot of adaptive equipment, such as computers, notetakers, magnifyers, CCTV's or anything else that you need that is expensive.
A huge importance to being independent when your blind is also making sure that you can get around and be able to get groceries and stuff as well as banking and all the other stuff you'll need to do living on your own, Public Transit is a essential if your going to be independent, I dont think any of us that live on our own and enjoy the independance really like asking people to drive us everywhere! and most of us cannot afford Taxi's all the time! Try to make sure there is decent transit service where your going if possible.. It will prove to be very importent..
I think that your doing good by asking questions and being positive, its a big step towards the rest of your life and being a successful person.
if you have any questions, just post here or contact me, my contact info is on my profile.
On the other side of that coin, although you are sick of your parents ways, be glad they care enough to object, even if it's not what you'd like. Perhaps if you sit down, and tell them of your plans, they've might be a bit more willing to listen/reason with you.
When you do decide to move out or even before if you can, you might like to apply for a bus pass, which gives you free bus travel to anywhere except into Wales if you've got a disability and you might also want to get a disabled person's rail card for travelling on trains, but this does cost quite a lot for the rail card. I got my bus pass and rail card a few months ago and it makes travelling a lot cheaper. Paying for taxis is still very annoying though, but see if you can get a rehab officer in your area to do some mobility training with you if you can. I'm going to have some hopefully in the next couple of weeks or so when I eventually manage to be next to the phone when the rehab officer rings!
I know what you mean about wanting to move out. Independence is great. Perhaps you could sit down and have a civil but firm talk with your parents about your feelings about this, and ask them why they don't agree with it, and if there is anything you could do to make them feel better about it. After all, at twenty-two, you are perfectly entitled to move out.
I myself have been living in my own apartment for 2 years now. I started out by moving to Minnesota because I wanted to get away from my parents pressuring me to go to school and getting good grades and having the life they didn't. Now I understand that and all, but no one asked me anything about what I wanted or desired. So I figured at 21, the best thing to do would to just run. So I went to the guy I was with at the time, and didn't come back. Now I'm not telling you to do that. That's not a good way to do it. It's better to listen to everyone else. That way you won't get into the fights I have gotten into with my family. Now that I have been in Minnesota for 5 years, and not with that guy anymore, they're happier with me now. Of course, they still want me to move home, which I don't know if I'm going to move back to Ohio or not, but who knows next year my leese runs out. But anyway, I think you should talk it out with your family. Find out weather or not they're just being overprotective or if you do have good skills like the other folks have said. I had skills, just needed a brushing up on them, so that's why I went for a little bit of rehab training. But my parents were very overprotective and I lived kind of a sheltered life, like other blind people in this world. So it's very hard for them to let go and see you doing things for yourself because it's scary at first. They don't know weather you'll make it or not, but when you do, they'll be so proud of you. And it's easier for me to call home and talk to my folks to. They have my retired dog, so that's one reason why I call, and to check up on the family and see how people are doing. My dad will retire next year, and my parents can spend more time together and they won't have any kids around the house to take care of, so that'll be nice for them to. But if you're the youngest like I am, it's always the hardest for the youngest to leave the nest and for the parents to let go. So just do what we all have been telling you to do. Except me, don't just run off and don't come back lol. I think if you can take care of yourself, you'll surprise and make your folks very proud.
Your parents are entitled to oppose your decision to move out, but they have no right to force you to live with them.
When I left home it was in controversial sircumstances. I wasn't at home before leaving home, so I never had to consider the opposition of my parents. There were relatives who were prepared to support me through my year of having no fixed address so there wasn't anything my parents could have done if they wanted to resist my departure from their home.
I appreciate the difficulties of leaving home for blind people who are living with parents who don't want them to leave home. They can make it difficult to impossible for you to leave home.
The only thing you can do, is warn your parents that you intend to contact adult services to let them know that you're being made to live with your parents against your will, if your parents don't cooperate with you as you try to leave home.
If your parents won't cooperate, you will need the help of an adult to access the services which can help you leave home. If you don't have a supportive relative or friend, you will probably have to depend on somebody from adult services. With their help you can speak to housing associations about different properties and the person from adult services can liaise between you and different housing associations, read print documents, etc.
Even if you take this course of action, there are things your parents could do to be obstructive. You need to be thinking. Sometimes you may have to think very quickly. Consider possible scenarios, and think about how you'll respond to them.